Thursday, March 8, 2012

No Kids? What?!

Last week there was an article in the newspaper interviewing two couples about their decision not to have children. I found it extremely interesting because Bill and I are not having children. I'm sure you can imagine we get the "whys?" and the "that's very selfish" and "who's going to take care of you when you get old?" I'm sure as you read those first two lines those thoughts probably went through your head too. Those are all great questions but first of all, I want to point out that I love children. I work with children. I love my seven nephews and one niece. I love watching children grow and learn and be silly. I love the innocence and awe. Children are amazing but, Bill and I have made the choice not to have children. Honestly, when Bill and I got married we planned on having children. I don't know what made us change our minds but we did. And we did it together.

 Bill and I have been married almost 10 years and in that time I've had baby fever maybe twice and it was all because of friends having babies. I was jealous and I struggled with what people would think of us if we really didn't have children. I thought what if Bill is just agreeing with me and really wants to be a dad?! About two or three years ago we told our families about our decision. Both of our families were extremely supportive - except my grandpa who is still waiting for the babies and doesn't hesitate to remind me about it every time I see him.

So, to answer all of the questions about our choice please keep in mind that having children is in fact a choice and not a requirement. It doesn't make us selfish heartless souls. I do wonder who's going to take care of us when we get older but, fortunately that isn't for many years. Why worry about it now? I'm not going to have children just to have someone take care of me when I'm older.

Sometimes I think about  the things we are going to miss. Luckily two of my nephews and a niece live just down the road and I'm very close to them. I get to share in some of their special moments! I also work with children beginning at age two. I still get the hugs and kisses, the cuddles and I love yous. It's amazing how one little person can change your day (for better or worse:). They are children and although Bill and I are not having any of our own I have the privilege of spending every single day with them. I have to say it's wonderful to be able to go home to peace and quiet. That is unless, Whidbey needs lots of attention.










Lesley @ my lively mind said...

I don't think it's selfish at all. I used to feel the same way and there isn't a rule that one is supposed to have children.

Michelle said...

Speaking as someone who can't wait to have kids someday, I think this is awesome!! It's much better to not have children then to have them because that's what society deems the thing to do. I firmly believe that not everyone is meant to have children. It's a choice each couple has to make, and I firmly support you! You need to follow your own heart, and don't let anyone tell you differently!

Jamie and Missy said...

I hate assumptions. When you're single, it's about getting married. When you're married, it's all about the baby. When you have one baby, the obsession becomes the sibling for that child. I wish people weren't so vocal about telling someone else what they should do with their life. Kudos to you and Bill!

BWsDoc2b said...

I agree with Lesley. My husband and I aren't going to have children together either (he already has a son), and I don't think it's selfish. I think it's more selfish to have them just because everyone else does and "that is what you are supposed to do". I feel more people need to stop and really think about this decision before rushing into parenthood - even though it is "worth it in the end". I know too many women that wished they would have waited or thought about it a lot more. Being a parent is a great thing, but NOT being a parent is a great thing too.

Katie said...

I think that you need to do what is right for you and your husband. It is unfortunate that people push their opinions on other people too. and really great that you and your husband are on the same page with your decision too!

Beverly said...

You bring up excellent points, and I love how you answered the general top questions you get when you announce you decided not to have kids. It's certainly a choice... a personal one that ONLY you and your hubby can make. So if that's what you decide together, you go! Either way, you will always have support from your friends and family.... who WILL be the ones taking care of you guys when you're old (far far from today).

Also, wanted to let you know I awarded you the Sunshine Award. Check out today's posting when you have a chance ;)

Xoxo,

Beverly

Lindsay @ Trial By Sapphire said...

GOOD FOR YOU, LAURA!

I am so happy that you guys are making the choice that is right for you. I love children just as much as the next person, but after all the work I've done with under-served and foster children, I firmly believe the following:

1) People should not have children, because "that's what happens after you get married".
2) A "family" can be two period who love each other. Period. As soon as I was married, I considered myself as someone who "started a family".
3) It is much better to make this decision than to have a child out of obligation. There are already so many kids who do not have a home because they were unwanted or born into a circumstances that did not have room for them.
4) Your choice to have or not have kids is completely between you and your partner.

Mr. TBS and I only plan to have one child, and we are faced with the same "why would you do that"/"you'll change your mind"/rolled eyes response. But you know what? It's our family, our choice. :-)

*stepping off soap box*

Happy Friday Eve!

Liz with the Lovely Life said...

Great post Laura!
Your niece and 7!! nephews are very lucky to have an aunt like you and I am sure that they know it! As you can see, us bloggers are behind you 100 percent and support you and Bill's decision! It's great that you get to see kids everyday and too bad that people are only supportive when things go the way they think it should go..I think you and Bill are making an amazing decision that is right for you both! And you get to treasure the peace and quiet when you come home from work at nigh-how great is that!!
Have a great day!!

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Thanks Lesley!

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

It's really to bad that society controls so much of what others think about you. Thanks for your support.

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Hey, thanks. It's so awesome to see all of the support I'm getting today.

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

I agree, being a parent is a great thing but, being a two person family is great too!

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Thanks Katie! I know what you're struggling with from reading your blog. I support you too!

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Thanks for the award and thanks for the support :)

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Hey Lindsay - Isn't that just the thing though...people are always expecting something with married couples or couples with only one child - when's the next one?? It's really to bad. I see some of the things I'm sure you see in the system as well. It's tough to see.

Laura @ My Green Pen said...

Thanks for your support Liz! I didn't really think anyone would comment on this post because it is a touchy subject for some people.

Stephine said...

I think when people decide not to have children, it's kind of just odd for people to comprehend. I know myself I have always wanted to be a mom and I guess I could see why some people ask questions, but it's definitely a personal decision! You can still have your own family and I'm sure you will have an awesome time with your husband and yourself! :)

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