Tuesday, August 7, 2012

From Terrified to Satisfied

I am a busy girl lately. My to do list is a mile long but, I feel satisfied about it. Does that sound right? I feel satisfied because it means that I'm involved in life.

About eight or nine years ago I accepted that things weren't quite right with me. Actually my new (at the time) caring husband was the one to walk me through accepting that it's not ok to stay in bed and cry or to want to sleep for way more hours than is natural. He helped me understand that it's not ok to be terrified of going out the door because of anxiety that was in a sense killing me.

Bill gently talked me into getting help. I still didn't want to accept that I really had a problem. I was just going through a phase of not wanting to interact with people. Luckily, I had a wonderful nurse practitioner who along with Bill taught me that I don't have to feel this way.

I was started on some medication and talk therapy. I was afraid to tell my mom and dad because I thought they'd think I was weak for not being able to "work it out on my own." I know there are people out there that don't believe in medication. I'm not one of them. It saved my life and my brand new marriage. I finally felt... normal. I felt like I wished I had always felt like this. I could think about going out with a friend without thinking of an excuse not to go.

It didn't happen overnight. It took time. It wasn't like I was miraculously "cured." I learned that if I had a to do list I could go on. I know, weird, but it's true. I live life better if I have I know what's next. I don't have to get anxious because I am prepared.

I still have my blah days and I don't love groups of people but, for the most part I feel "normal."

My to do list is a mile long and it helps me stay motivated to live life and not to sleep all day. I am currently chair of the planning committee for the state early childhood conference, my center is going through a quality rating program, I'm president of our local preschool director's group, I have a thriving business on the side, and a wonderful husband that helps be to be who I really am.


Melissa {www.grinandbarrettblog.com} said...

I went through that after getting married. I had been anxious on and off, even in my childhood, but it all hit a pentacle after we got married. I would say the medication made me a believer and also saved my life and my marriage. The side effects were a bit much, but after a few months I felt great. I hardly get anxious anymore, and I am medication free at this point. It really softens my heart to others who have experienced something similar, and it also makes me feel less weird when I hear other women talk about it. Thanks for sharing!

Melissa

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